Years ago while i was in china, i was taught the most important thing of my life was to find a charming prince to get married, having kids then be happy forever. After failure of searching for such a charming prince for nearly 15 years, i finally decided to pause this searching but focusing in my own life. However, there the problem comes. What I want for my life? Since i started thinking this question, i often get lost. There are tons of moments that i seriously didn't know what i wanted in my life.
I don't care about travelling that much. I don't find it's that fascinating to spend a week in the 5 star hotel on an island. I don't wear jeweller coz i found them heavy and not necessary. I don't need a porsche car or a yacht. I don't care about glorying clothes. For me, it seems easy to be satisfied. But maybe it's the spiritual inspiration of myself that I am lack of.
Today, i am thinking. i want to find a good model for me to learn. Then i won't get lost. So i searched in my head. who this model can it be? I had a long list of famous and great people that i may be able to learn or copy. However, those are them. They are not me. and even somehow i found i don't really want to be someone else but myself. And the biggest problem is i actually didn't spend much time thinking who i am.
After living in this colorful world for 30 years, i have liked and loved lots of activities. Almost every activity i did before however, was driven by a clear aim. I watched American movies mostly because i wanted to learn English and western cultural. I learned English because i wanted to come to Australia. I went hiking because i liked the clear fresh air in the mountain. Same as camping. I dance mostly because it keeps me fit. Good thing about driving by aim is that you won't like alcohol or drugs because you won't find any purpose or aim from those two expensive hobbies.
That's the life style i have learned in China. We came to this earth for living. The purpose of life is to survive till the day you pass away and your next generation will keep going. While after i came to Australia and start to settling down a little bit, i start to realize i am running out of purpose and aims. You don't really need to worry too much about surviving in this country as long as you go get education and go to work. What i should do if i don't have a purpose or aim then? It's like a sail-boat in the ocean. the worst thing could happen is you don't know where to go. You would float on the oscean and let the wind blow you here and there. you might go further and further from where you like to go, but you wouldn't know coz you can't see the light house. and I definitely don't want to live like that.
And the hardest part of your life comes, you got to make decisions about your life now. i keep telling myself this.
To be continued.
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