I have been living in so conscious attitude for bloody 32 years. I tried every possibility to avoid conflicts as possible as i can. i tried to save every bloody cent i can so that i will get some savings in case of accidents. I insisted trying that boring career where payment was just so so, while still has politics. I was the first person made redundant right away when the budget is getting tight. I tried to hide my affection to a workmate so that not show my true feeling and getting hated in the end. This is not the first time, it's been happening for ten years. I have doing the work to accumulate savings, but i have never tried to live for my life, but not just being alive.
Today, i failed the bloody driving test again. I was so nervous while i was on the test. Not because the test itself, but also the cost for the stupid test. I need to pay nearly $100 just for the test and need to pay $60 an hour for the lessons. Surprisingly, the instructor is a super handsome guy. When i say super handsome, he is like really super handsome like super model. He is around 190 tall. Very nice body. Slightly brownish golden hair. Very nice and friendly facial feature. Tall and pretty nose. Blue eyes. and he is a very nice person too. After experiencing the house collision with the greedy and obsessive landlord, the irresponsible former driving instructor looked happy while saw me failed my test the first time and wanted to charge me $150 because i wanted to cancel the second test that morning. After being the first choice of getting cut in the team when the company budget getting tight. I started doubting the point of coming to this country. I lost my hope for kindness. lost my hope for people's caring or justice in this country. This new good looking instructor looks really young. At first, i even thought he was only around 24 and didn't really trust him. He possibly knew I was short of money. So he was willing to teach me half hour longer one day before the test. And he didn't charge me the half hour training on the test day. I felt so good. Not just because i could pay less. But also the way he treated me. It gave me the hope of kindness and caring in this country.
When saw me failed my test, he looked sorry. And he tried to comfort me and encourage me while saw me bursting into tears. I know he really doesn't have to help me if he thought i wasn't going to keep hiring him if i fail any way. he told me he failed a lot of things in his life as well. I guess he must have tried music and art. or acting. coz he got the looks and he has the artist feeling. I really felt better after I heard what he said. Just such a nice person. If he wasn't so good looking and married, i would really be willing to make friends with him.
Now after all what happened, i have decided to change the way of living my life. I need to live, not just be alive. I have tried to sacrifice everything to try to live a stable life, while nothing is working.
I will live the way in the bold and happy way!